Do you have a minute? I think I need to vomit.

People deal with their problems in different ways. Some people yell and scream. Others are passive aggressive. Personally, I like to vomit. Verbal vomiting is what I like to call it. Anyone who really knows me, knows that when I have something troubling me, I must vomit. It's that simple. I have to get it off my chest. Release the weight off my shoulders; get that monkey off my back. I will carry around that problem like a suitcase through a packed airport until I am able to regurgitate it. (And by the way, the picture at the left has absolutely nothing to do with this post, except that it's the only one I could download from my files without a hassle. I really wanted the one with 2 ladies chatting over lattes.)
I'm not the only one who uses this technique. Oh, lot's of females do it. Females carry around so much guilt anyway, that they really have to have something that works for them or the literally would explode, especially mothers. Guilt is the parttime job that mothers have. (Wow, that's a great topic. I'll have to use that for another post.) So here's the mom (me or you) with the kids, the school issues, the Mount Rushmore of laundry, the teachers who don't budge from their lesson plans from 10 years ago (another great post), the husband (I really don't need to expand on this, do I?), the house, the mother down the street who won't discipline her child so he kicks your kid in the balls, the young girl at the checkout counter who would rather talk to her coworker about what happened downtown than ring you up quickly and now you are late to pick up the kids (hmm, maybe she's verbal vomiting, too.) Then your internal "stomach" just can't take it anymore and you must find the closest friend via phone, text, or gee, just use that stranger in the Foodlion to vent about the girl at the last store at least. By the way, beware of the female who walks around with the complete stress attack face- she either doesn't know she has to vomit, or can't find/trust someone to vomit to. This is a ticking timebomb; take cover immediately.
But, don't think I go around vomiting all the time. I recipricate, too. It's my female obligation to do so. It's a great boost to the old ego, too, like volunteering. I love when someone else does the verbal vomit on me. 1- It makes my problems seem so small. 2- I know that other females need to verbal vomit just like me, especially those women who like to pretend they always have it together. 3- I know I've really helped someone else. And females are natural helpers. I really feel like I'm doing a civic duty when I sit and listen to a complete stranger ramble on about a gripe. The other day a woman described to me the day she was having with her job, getting lost while driving in the car which had no air conditioning, being late to pick up her daughter from school, who was in detention. (my kid was in detention, too, but it didn't seem so bad after all that.) So while she verbal vomited, I did what any female would do, I held her hair back, no just kidding. I listened quietly, nodded my head in agreement, and waited until it was all over before I spoke. She apologized, but she didn't need to. I told her that her day would get better, and not to worry. But let me reiterate one important point here- listening.
Listening is very important to a successful verbal vomit. To a newcomer on the receiving end of the verbal vomit, it is often overlooked and undervalued. A newcomer might feel the need to interject prematurely. (I have a relative who does this and I just keep right on driving my bus through that road block, even if I feel the need to repeat a certain point- I will say it over and over.) They may feel the need to give some therapy advice because that's what females do. They give advice and try to help. But the timing of the advice and help needs to be after everything has been regurgitated. Otherwise, you'll be medicating, then vomiting the medication. And the person doing the vomiting will just keep on, and on, until the bad feeling has subsided. And what if the receiver interjects prematurely, then leaves? Well, then the vomiter will have to go on to someone else, starting from the beginning of the story, and hope to get it all out this time.
Speaking of the receiving end, men are not good receivers, except maybe gay men. Men are fixers, or so they think. Men are also impatient and those two qualities- fixing and impatience, are poison to a verbal vomit. They don't listen to the whole vomit. They don't want to be vomited on because to them, it sounds like nails on the chalkboard. I'm not beating a dead horse here, but I just want to repeat...MEN DON'T LISTEN and they don't take time to listen. Well, except when their pants are down. So anyway, they don't have time to hear the whole thing, then they aren't really listening to the details in the 1st place, and then they just go in, with their hammer and screwdriver and fix that thing that's making the squeak, and keeping them from watching football, or whatever. A friend of mine didn't know this trait, and at the end of it she said to her husband, "I don't need you to "fix it," I just wanted to get it off my chest and talk about it." By the way, my mom is a great receiver. She never interrupts, ever; shows empathy (well, usually) which for me, this means she always takes MY side (another thing men don't do-(dag, another great post) my guy always plays devil's advocate which is completely annoying; and my mom usually doesn't give specific advice, which makes me feel good because eventually I solve my own problems, just like a grown up should; and she always has time for the verbal vomit, even if she is in the middle of cooking, she'll turn the stove off, sit down and take as long as I need. Thanks Mom! Speaking of receivers, each person I talk to plays a different role and I know who to go to when- one sister gives me advice like the Encyclopedia Britannica, one gives information but generally gives me the "stop feeling sorry for yourself" therapy speech and slap in the face, and then one friend gets as dramatic as I do because she lives here and knows most of the people I am talking about.

On a final note, here are some tips for verbal vomiting:

• some vomiting takes more than one go-around, just like a bad stomach virus. If you feel the need or urge to let it out again because the last 2 or 3 didn't work, then by all means, go for it. But be sure to find different people to vomit to; don't pick the same person/people over and over again. They'll start running the next time they see you. The other day my child's teacher did something so infuriating that it took 5-6 people to verbal vomit to, before I even felt a little relief (well, during two of those I was gathering information from parents familiar with the classroom.)
• you might not need to get around a lot of other people- you don't want to spread it to unwilling, innocent bystanders (the kids, the family dog, good employees.) Just like a virus, don't spread your germ to others.
• also, don't eat any greasy foods, in other words, stay away from stressful situations or people that stress you out.

During my last verbal vomiting binge I made sure to do what's listed above, and I also did the following:

• I asked if they had a minute
• I kept it brief
• I interjected some humor so as to keep it interesting for the receiver
• tired not to use my hands too much; gets the receiver confused
• I bought lunch for one person (yes, I really did this)
• I complimented them on their hair or a piece of clothing sometime during the vomit
• and most importantly, I didn't get any verbal vomit on them (they walked away without feeling emotionally drained)

So they next time a total stranger (or a good friend) walks up to you (or calls you) and says, "You'll never believe what just happened to me........" Or .....when your child's teacher calls you at 9 a.m. and asks if you have a minute.........you'll know what to do and then you can thank me.

Ahem, you're welcome.

Cheetos For the Brain- Part 3

I dare use the title "Cheetos For The Brain" when I write about the next t.v. show- "Deadliest Catch." It is more educational than the other shows I have placed in this category. I love this show. The kids love this show. Everyone I know loves this show.

I can't believe what these men have to go through to catch these crabs and earn a living. Can you imagine breaking off huge blocks of ice only to have it slammed into your ankles as a huge icy wave crashes over your head? How can you feel your own body in temperatures like that? And what if your coworker decides he can't take it anymore and quits? Now you have to do his job and your job, too. Sleep-deprived fishermen. How do they avoid making life-threatening mistakes? Sitting at your cubicle, craving some Starbuck's? Go down the street and grab one. Not for these guys. If it's not coffee break time, you are out of luck.

I have so much respect for people like that. God Bless them!

Oops we did it again

His Royal Highness is named Leonardo. I can't believe we have another dog, but how could I resist? We are working with our yellow lab on her nurturing skills. I hope she will let her female nature take over and she will learn to protect her not pounce on her.

A Public Service Announcement

You can call me paranoid, or you can thank me. I came across this website a while ago and everytime I pass it on to a friend, they always thank me. It is the NC Registry for Sexual Offenders- http://www.ncfindoffender.com/

You can plug in your address- home address, workplace address, your child's daycare/school, etc. and search a 1, 3, or 5 mile radius to find the sexual offenders in your neighborhood or other location. They show the picture, address, and specifics of the offender, his crime, etc. It was startling to me to search this website for the first time. Some faces actually looked familiar.
If you do not live in North Carolina, I'm sure your state has the same sort of website as well.

In addition, the State's Attorney General has a website, too. It is- http://www.noscamnc.gov/
Just as the name infers, it focuses on scams to people and businesses in North Carolina. Recently I heard a lecture given by someone from the governor's office regarding internet safety with your children/teens. Even though my kids don't use the internet without me, I found it to be very informative.

There's A New Dog In Town

"If you don't own a dog, at least one, there is not necessarily anything wrong with you, but there may be something wrong with your life" - Roger Caras

I mean, c'mon. Do I even need to write anything else for this blog?

Yes, I know, she's made mistakes and sometimes she does things that irritate me, but she's so darn adorable. And all she wants is love and attention, some food and lots of water. Gee this dog drinks so much more than our little dachshund.

I just have to say that growing up, I never had a dog. Once I moved out on my own, we got one and I've been hooked ever since. It's like someone who said they've been rich and they've been poor. And they much prefer being rich....well, I much prefer being with dog, than without.

Ending of a Cafe

Well, I am approaching the end of an era, so to speak. We sold our cute, little cafe. Although I am relieved to be rid of the responsibility, I must say it was a learning experience. When you own your own business it is very different from working for someone else. The burden of responsibility is heavier, but the rewards can be more fulfilling, too. You will learn a lot about yourself, too. But I met a lot of great people and enjoyed most everyday I walked into work. But I really enjoy driving by and not having to stop there, everyday.

How To Be A Good Guest

It's summertime and with it come the visitors- relatives and friends. So here are a few tips on being.......




The Perfect House Guest

1-Tell your host the time frame when you are thinking of visiting. Ask if the time is right. Your host has a life and sometimes they already have things planned. Or maybe the host is dealing with an extra amount of stress. You need to know that and plan your stay accordingly, to what works best for the host and their family.

2- Let your guest know how long your stay is. Even the closest of friends needs to let the host know when they plan to leave. If you aren't sure, set a date anyway. They may be happy to see you come for a visit, but they need to know when you will be leaving, so their life can resume after you leave. And besides, it's just polite to let your host know how long your stay is.

3- Be aware and respectful of their routine- what time they get up, what time they go to sleep, the childrens' schedules, their job schedule, previously planned events, or appointments, etc. Don't be a high maintenance guest- requiring special arrangements, a special routine for dining, or making a fuss over something the family has already planned. Go with the flow, is the best suggestion.

4- Remember that a home is a retreat or place of solitude. It's a place away from the pressures of a job, boss, school, bad day, rude customer, etc. Your host might need a few minutes to wind down from a bad day, or might need some personal time and space. Remember, not everyone is on vacation like you are.

5- Help out around the house. Cleaning- yes, everyone has a certain way they like their house cleaned, or a special way they want the dishes arranged in the dishwasher, but everyone likes a clean house, so help out. No one is that picky about how it gets done, as long as it gets done. This doesn't mean you have to scrub the tub, or mop the floors, but pick up after yourself. Rinse out the shower after you use it. Wipe off the counter after you are done. Don't cause extra work for the host. If in doubt, ask. If the host doesn't want your help, they'll tell you. Meals- ask if you can prepare a meal for the family one night. Take the burden off the host for one night. Believe me, it will be greatly welcomed. If cooking isn't your thing, buy the groceries for a meal, or a special appetizer or dessert.

6- Say "thank you" and be gracious. Gifts are nice- flowers, stationery, or wine, but gifts are not at all necessary. Just by showing that you appreciate their hospitality through your gracious behavior, is enough of a "gift." The host and the family have opened up their home to you. They have rearranged things and put things on hold for you during your visit. No matter how great of a guest you are always remember that once you leave, things will "go back to normal," whatever normal is to that family.

Being a good guest will not only bring more invitations into their home but it will leave everyone with good memories from your stay. Don't be like the old saying, "Guests are like fish, after 3 days, they are rotten."

Cheetos For The Brain- Part 2

Well I'm sure that some of you have heard of or actually viewed, the series of reality television shows depicting housewives in California- The Housewives of Orange County. It's a humorous blend of Stepford Wives and The Girls Next Door. All of these women are living in Orange County, California, in a gated community. Some work and some don't. Some have children, some don't. Some are married, and some aren't. It depicts the trials and tribulations of the "normal" everyday life they lead. I know that what is filmed and shown on the show is all part of the editing process, but I really wonder what they are thinking when they allow a camera crew to come into their homes and film them 24/7.


Somehow this show makes me feel sad for a few of the women. The very successful real estate agent owns 5 homes (I believe) and states how much she loves and "craves" money. She owns plenty of expensive jewelry, clothing, multiple vehicles, and other luxury items. But she is in what appears to be a completely loveless marriage. Even her teenage daughter thinks she should have an affair.

Then you have the successful insurance agent. She spends more time mothering over her ungrateful son and daughter than spending time with her husband. In one episode she makes a surprise visit to her son's college apartment, and is rudely welcomed. Embarrassed in front of her son's friends, she ends up crying in the bathroom. He proceeds to throw the insults to dear old mom while his friends listen in disbelief. Mind you, he is surrounded by all the luxuries his mom has given him- apartment, furnishings, etc. Finally, she is welcomed into the party and proceeds to do a beer bong amongst his friends. She then proceeds to offer him a deal- if he makes good grades this semester, she will buy him a new car. Come on lady, give him a swift kick in the you know what instead.


The youngest of the group, Jo, is completely "owned" by her over-possessive boyfriend. Her boyfriend is so over-possessive with her, in such a negative way, that I caught myself yelling at the television and her. He is worth a blog post all his own. Their relationship could definitely be a case study in a Psych. class. I just want to say to her, "Run Jo, run." Like from the movie Forrest Gump...run Forrest, run. I don't know who's playing whom. Is she playing him to keep her hands in his purse or is she that needy of a man's approval? Or is he playing her to keep a woman in his house/life to help raise his kids from a previous marriage? Or does he have to have a beautiful, younger woman beside him to make him feel successful? As the show progresses, I was glad to see they were making a split and she was moving away- becoming more independent from him.

Then there's the beautiful blonde who is searching for the man to take care of her. She states, "I've been poor, and I've had money, and believe me, I'd rather have money. No duh!! She's a single mother of a teenage girl trying to find her own independence and a teenage boy who is constantly in trouble. She finally finds the man of her dreams- rich, handsome, and great with kids. They are planning a wedding and it looks like a real life Brady Bunch. Things are going well, but even with the perfect man to help and plenty of money to help, she is still plagued with single parenthood problems. Her daughter can't keep the condo free of cat poop, can't decide what to do about school, and doesn't have a job. Her son, who she feels guilty about since she is living the high life while he is confined to a juvenile detention center, keeps playing on her guilt.

All in all, I guess this program shows people 2 things: 1-money doesn't buy happiness, and if it does, you still have problems that money can't solve. 2-the pasture isn't always greener on the other side.